A trilogy telling a story of love and loyalty, betrothal and betrayal, triumph and tragedy; novels that chart one man's attempts to rise above the legacy of a traumatic childhood. The first book deals with Simon’s childhood friendship and eventually love affair with an older boy, the second the trauma of his teenage years and early adulthood, the third his struggle to maintain equilibrium and the consequences of his failure at one point to achieve that. It is a fictional biography, written because it tells a strong story which raises many issues over six decades, the post war baby boomer generation who in many ways never had it so good. His own experience is probably unique, yet will strike a chord with many others who have been through similar things, as well as those with an interest in such matters, either personal or professional. It's a varied, exciting, demanding, sometimes terrifying life story. It is not suitable for those under 18 years or who find explicit sexual narrative, including sexual violence, offensive.
Patrick now lives in the north of England with his wife and has his son and granddaughters nearby. Much of his life is reflected in the biographical trilogy "The Clouds Still Hang", so to repeat too many biographical details here would be something of a 'spoiler'! The memoir was my first book. My fifth book is now out on Kindle and paperback, called "Maxym".
I felt so many emotions while reading through this trilogy. My heart soared with happiness throughout the first book, in which the deep, loving relationship Simon shared with his best friend was explored. Daniel was his first love, a young love that never left his heart, and Daniel's presence within Simon was always felt even when life forced them to part. It was as if they had never parted at all because their love never died. I can't help but cry whenever I think of the two of them lying together in their den, their own private universe that birthed their physical and romantic relationship that would rival that of any other relationship Simon ever had in his life.
My heart broke for Simon throughout the second book, the trauma and pain he endured whilst all alone with no one to turn to nearly killed me. He made horrible mistakes because of his past but his actions were never excused; they were later explained and analyzed at length but they were never excused. Watching Simon find love in the most unexpected of places after all he had been through was bittersweet, if only because my heart still clung to Daniel, as did Simon's in many ways. He recieved all of the love and care he deserved from the person that came to ultimately build a family and a home with him, but I was always searching for Daniel, longing for the letters that never arrived to fall into my hands in the same way Simon did.
The final book opened up all of Simon's past scars and brought his wounds to light. His eventual queer platonic relationship with a man named James helped him accept himself and be open and honest about all of his yesterdays, all the good and bad shattered pieces of himself finally painstakingly reassembled right before our eyes, with even the brutalist of Simon's demons forced from the closet. It was raw and real, and I am honored to have been given the privlege to actually see someone revealing their worst of flaws without sugar coating the facts or justifying the horrible, but human, mistakes this man made in his life. I especially loved the many ways in which Simon and James saved one another. James was his soulmate and the friendship they shared made me value the love that comes not from sex but from a place too intimate to even fully understand.
Having finished this book with a teary-eyed smile on my face, I can safely say that the story of Simon is not one I will ever forget. I raise my glass to him, to Daniel, to James, to all of those that kept Simon alive; may they all have the endings they hoped for, wherever they may be in the world, after the book closes and things come full circle off the pages.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
‘The communion of their eyes saying more than their limited vocabulary…’
British author Patrick C Notchtree has published four books to date – HUNTING HARRY, A LITTLE BOOK OF ISLAM, APOSTROPHE CATASTROPHE, and this biographical memoir – THE CLOUDS STILL HANG. In addition to his books, he has published blogs and links of his poetry, his experience with macular degeneration, capital punishment, UK politics, and more. On his website he sensitively offers, ‘This is my memoir, the story of my own life told through my avatar, Simon. I can’t call it an autobiography as I’ve had to change many names, etc. so biographical memoir it is…I should warn that due to sexual (but not porn) and suicide content my book is recommended for those over 18 only…I suppose I knew from an early age I was gay but without defining it as such. It was highly illegal then [the second half of the 20th century], as well as being seen as socially unacceptable. Things have thankfully changed since then…’ The outline of the trilogy is shared there as ‘Three deep loves, rape, murder plot, abuse, crime and trial; one gay man’s true life story and journey to rise above the legacy of a traumatic childhood that almost destroyed him to emerge at last self forgiving and true to himself.’
This book – THE CLOUDS STILL HANG Trilogy – is perhaps one of the most sensitive and eloquent explorations of the sexual preference conflict as told from the 1940s to the present in literature. Though there are many ‘coming out’ stories available, Patrick’s sensitive survey of all of the emotions that conflict encounters is far more complete. The trilogy opens in 1949, titled ‘First memory’ of the Book of Daniel – ‘Simon felt increasing panic well up in him. He knew that he was not going to make it in time. He ran up the stairs, nearly tripping over a loose stair rod that was failing to keep the worn, rough, re stair carpet in place. The bathroom door was closed, and Simon reached up for the handle struggling to turn it. Perhaps it was the way his small body had to stretch up, but he knew he had lost. As he stood in the bathroom, his body could contain its load no longer and he felt the wet warmth as it slithered out of his little shorts and down the back of his left thigh on to the linoleum floor. Mummy appeared, and calmly set to clearing up the mess…she looked at her son, as ever worried about him. Since his very difficult birth which had nearly killed her, he had been a cause for concern, born blue, his slow development leading to him being labeled in the terminology of the day as Mentally Disabled, a crippled spastic. But now he was walking and talking, even if he had not yet mastered bowel control.’
From that initial encounter at age three we are escorted through the lives of two boys who are friends, then lovers, their family lives, their mutual admiration and friendship and the word that they never dare to say. This book is not only an exploration of same sex ideation and love, but it also is a unique journey through history as the seventy years of the story surveys. Rich in drama, terror, longing, and overcoming, this book creates an indelible imprint on the mind – an eloquent insight into life as lived by a gay man. Very highly recommended.
The Clouds Still Hang by Patrick C Notchtree—a reaction from Eldot I write this rather urgently, just after reading the entire eBook—my hunch is that upon reflection I might not be as honest. This is from the gut. The first novel, The Book of Daniel was one of the more enjoyable reads I have had in some time. It has all the elements required for engaging and involving the reader. At times it seemed hurried and incomplete, but it was strong enough to keep me involved—so much so that I was able to suspend my “professional” judgments and quibbles for the nonce. I was unsatisfied when I came to the conclusion, but the knowledge that it was the first of a trilogy mollified. I immediately went to the LULU site and bought the complete book in both the print and eBook versions. That attests to how eager I was to follow the story of Simon and Daniel, and how obligated I felt to the author for providing me with such a wonderful experience. The Story of Daniel could have been a superb novel, had that been the objective. I should have paid better attention to the meaning of the first title [The Secret Catamite, Part 1], which reveals the author’s attitude toward his protagonist and the true subject of his trilogy enterprise. That would have alerted me to the fate of the narrative that was to follow. I hope that one day the author will be done with catharsis and write The Story of Daniel and Simon. That is the story I was expecting, but which was replaced by clinical therapeutic reportage. The fictional trilogy façade would seem at first glance to be sufficient—but alas, after reading the second and third sections, one knows better. Sadly, that becomes more a sales device than a meaningful structure. There is enough raw material in The Clouds Still Hang for several novels. That would require authoring at a different level certainly, and a supervisory detachment about the proceedings that allows insights to mature and attain dominance. There is a crippling dependence on chronology and detail that keeps the reader at arms length at least, and prevents engagement. The main reason I finished reading the set was because of what the author provided in part 1. It enabled me to stick with it, though to what end I am not sure. How sad is all I can say, really. My recommendation to the author: finish the first part properly on its own terms. It is worthy and worth doing—another 40 to 60, 000 words, I think would serve nicely. Make fiction your friend. Parts 2 and 3 should remain in the filing cabinet filed under “other ideas for what to write about.” Would that I had the ability to send this directly, but I am not “connected.”
The Clouds Still Hang: The Complete Trilogy by Patrick C. Notchtree is more of a biographical memoir with names changed, but the story is the same. Simon Scott grows up knowing he is different, maybe a little slow. His first friend is an older neighbor boy, Daniel. Daniel becomes a first for many of experiences in Simon's life. You feel as you grew up with Simon throughout his schooling, jobs, marriage, illnesses, and life in general. I finished amazed at how much drama one person can live through. I enjoyed the way the author tells his story, but everything seemed to center around his sexuality.
This is an honest and perceptive “account of one person’s struggle with the demons within”, a sort of therapeutic cleansing of the soul. The early part of the tale explores the relationship between Simon and his slightly older friend Daniel in infant-school days, and their growing homosexual rapport. That love, and its sexual culmination and ecstasy, will far outlive its relatively short duration and will be present as a memory, regret or influence throughout Simon’s life. Although that life is explored in great detail (rites of passage, transition to adulthood, work, marriage, etc.) it is the sexual element, both heterosexual and homosexual, which receives the most concentration, even to the extent of quite painstaking descriptions of love-making and orgasm. The traumas Simon suffers, whether through the loss of his first love Daniel, a homosexual gang rape or the rather more humdrum travails of sexual experience and failure, are analysed thoroughly, even in narrative terms when therapists and psychiatrists enter the scene much later in Simon’s life and do their best to jargonize away his (at times quite dangerous) hang-ups and peccadilloes. Simon suffers greatly from depression and low self-esteem, and yet, by the end of the book, the stance is more decidedly positive: Simon achieves a measure of contentment through an acceptance of the duality of his nature, that he can love deeply his wife of many years at the same time as being unashamed of homosexual loves both in his past and present. There are no easy answers offered, but the struggle itself (which the book is an expression of) seems to be held up as achievement and accomplishment enough. Can any of us really hope for more from life?
I've thought about writing a review for this book for at least a couple of months and in the end have decided there's nothing more I can add to what's already been written by Leland Hall.
That parts two and three serve a mainly cathartic purpose is clear. In part one we see at the end Simon almost completely dependent on Daniel and throughout Simon's life, even though Daniel is absent, nothing changes.
So Patrick, my advice is to develop parts two and three into something more than chronologies and, as Leland Hall says, add 40,000 to 60,000 words to part one, make it a book unto itself, (The Book of Daniel) so that it rises from good to great.
Tragic, extremely saddening, tear jerking, yet wonderful book. Patrick C. Notchtree has written his own life story in alias or avatar Simon. There's many times I cried reading this book, many times I hated the character even many times I hated the author himself. It's describes how Simon grew up with traumatic incidents such as bullying, domestic violence, and the most tragic of all rape. Author describes about the childhood how there was no one except his dearest friend Daniel, who was also his lover in childhood who supported him and made him strong. Yet they parted with each other never to meet again (this is one of the thing I kept hoping till the end that they might meet somewhere). This was in fricking 50s. I can't imagine the horror of rape which author had bear and which gave him a horrible ailment for life. There were many times where I found myself crying and saying, "Simon, love come to me and we'll find a solution. Everything will be okay." while reading. There's too much trauma which author withstood. I just wanted to help. It's a must read for all LGBTQ folks. It'll always be one of my favourites. Tragic yet wonderful. I thank the author for writing this.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
This is such a difficult book to speak about. Part of the problem is that it occupies a space rather beween fact and fiction. As fiction, the story leaves something to be desired. It moves too slowly at times, caught up in a lot of detail about various family members who are rather marginal to the thrust of the story. However, these same figures all play their part, and need to be represented in a biographical account of Simon's tortured life, if that is what it is. As such, it is brilliant, and all these characters contribute to arriving at an understanding of the motivation behind Simon's reprehensible actions and his recovery of his real Self. If I give Patrick Notchtree the benefit of the doubt, and take this as biographical, it scores a clear ***** rating for me. Seeing the book in that light, I also have to award him something like a notional George Cross for gallantry, in the way he is ruthlessly honest about his actions and his feelings. But having them spelt out in such detail is enormously helpful. It is helpful to anyone who finds themselves trapped in a similar compulsion to break the law, and it is helpful to those of us fortunate enough not to have crossed that line, but who may instead have a tendency to condemn him and many like him as 'evil', as 'perverted', as 'demonic', rather than look at what motivates such actions, and realise that 'There but for the grace of God . . .' Simon had the bad luck to have been born at the wrong time. He missed the changing of the law on homosexual acts that began a much more informed understanding of the various shades of sexuality. In his own schooling he caught the end of the post-war repressive and militaristic attitude in many schools, and, in his career, he was a bit late for the wonderful experimental and child-centred education of the early sixties, catching instead the beginnings of the drive towards standardisation that placed the achievement of the teachers above the achievement of the individual child. As far as Simon's individual growth is concerned, The first book, The Book of Daniel is a graphic presentation of Simon's experiences of rejection, and having immature parents' hopes and needs projected into him, in place of a non-intrusive curiosity about who this new being is, and what might be his strengths and needs. It acknowledges the classic rejection of his needs by a 'grow up!' or a 'be a man!' response that pushes the child further away and only serves to intensify his unmet needs. Almost invariably such unmet needs become over-sexualised. Enter Daniel. Daniel's kindness and consideration save Simon from the possible development of a hard and unfeeling shell, or perhaps a merciless bully in identification with the father he can only become because he cannot relate to him. Daniel meets the needs, but also has to take on the excessively and prematurely sexualised demands such deprivation leads to. Difficult for someone so young. Perhaps Simon crossed a boundary here, as well as in his teaching career. Suicide would probably have been his only recourse, had he not realised some degree of self worth from his relationship with Daniel. So having to give up that relationship put Simon in a very precarious position. Enter another hero: Karen. Her ability to take on and continue her relationship with Simon throughout the shaming court case and subsequent treatment puts her well towards the front of the queue for notional medals. But of course it is also a testament to Simon's selfhood that he can bear to share his shame with someone else. His sessions with Dr Norman are not really the stuff of a romantic novel, but they are a very important part in the development of thinking about the causes of Simon's illness. I wholeheartedly agree with those who congratulated Simon on his life achievement, and his ability to give and give in the face of such deprivation as he suffered. This book - not an easy read - is a part of that achievement.
I came across this book with a different name and a different cover while looking at a book about Gladiators in Ancient Rome, and this book was linked to it at Amazon. I was intrigued, read some of the reviews, and then found the first part online, and I started to skim through it. I became hooked and settled down to read it properly. It is a gentle relationship between two young boys, one vulnerable and needy and the other older, more confident and seems to achieve all that he wished. Their relationship became sexual, but their friendship remained much broader than this. The book is presented as a biography, and there were some sections of less interest to me, like summer holidays etc. The first book of the trilogy ended on a cliff-hanger, as they separate, and I wanted to know if they kept in touch. I was curious enough several weeks later to buy the trilogy. The second and third books are darker, with unpleasant and traumatic events and the lead character is haunted by his first love. I was gripped by the characters as I wanted to know the outcome, and I was left with a sense of sadness for the lead character even though he appears to feel he is resilient in overcoming life’s difficulties. It is written in an easily readable style. Observations about failings in police & justice, child protection, mental health and the educational system all seemed sadly familiar. Book one could be seen as a `coming of age’ tale, but the trilogy as a whole is more a biography – only the names of people and some place names have been changed - of a person who had many different experiences.